This post follows relatively soon after the previous one. Building things with words, writing, is something I enjoy but find arriving at a finished product awkwardly protracted. I regularly recall the suggestion of Roald Dahl to budding authors: "Sit down at a desk with a pencil and paper". So here I am, with the tech-adjusted equivalent, practicing. Part of the quick follow-on is the ease of having a laptop with an external monitor, as opposed to my on-the-road phone set up, as well as having a chair and desk. Luxury! Practice makes perfect... and between now and the Pulitzer nomination I hope you can bear with my experimentation. I am at a life-transition point, (a kind of) retirement, and the question is: 'what do I do now?' This blog is a part of the ongoing exploration. I have a few ideas regarding structure and content and... the digital world presents an incredible array of possible directions with my overall inclination toward connection. Let's consider the obstacle to that first: isolation.
People are experiencing more loneliness and social isolation. A recent Gallup poll shows that nearly 1 in 4 adults feel lonely. A 2023 report by the US Surgeon General says that approximately 50 percent of adults feel lonely. A study by Cigna (global health insurance) has the age group 18-22 as the loneliest with 79% reporting feelings of loneliness. The generally suggested causes - pandemic, remote working, social anxiety, self esteem, media, etc. - are part of a community drift, one that I see closely tied to issues of identity.
There are many ways of considering the 'who am I' question and I consider two: relationship and function. I define myself using an interplay of internal and external factors, an elaborate 'join the dots' to form a line-image of me. The quote, in part, from the previous post by the UCal cosmologist on defining time: "...you isolate part of the universe and call it your clock" - we generally use the earth relative to the sun. When defining my self I isolate 'this here' - relative to 'all the rest'. I include many things as being me & mine within the sphere of my-self but feel separate from a great deal, most of it. When I have a group of people, or objects, that I comfortably relate to or identity with I don't feel isolated. When those relationships seem fragile, less substantial, I do feel isolated, lonely, alienated. Isolation is always relative - this (me), separate from other.
One dictionary defines function as: "What something is used for" with other meanings but generally pointing to performance. It is about what you 'do', about your participation - assuming that you will do it well, that you will succeed. With no or little sense of function there are often feelings of non-inclusion, one feels isolated. One useful reflection is the Lokavipatti Sutta: Anguttara 8.6 on what are commonly called the 'Eight Worldly Winds' where socially promoted function has us pursuing the: 'gain, fame, praise, pleasure' and avoiding their opposites. A simple song - The Winds of Change - presents a simple response: refuge. [refuge needs an article + cf. social media] The main point is to recognise that it is impossible to get only gain and never have loss.
Some thoughts on resolution.
You can't function how you can't - you can't be what you aren't - but you can make effort (work) with what you've got. Things can and will change but!! it (life, the world, me) has base limitations. There has to be an underlying acceptance - to fully recognise that you are what you are... it can/will change... but, right now, you are like 'this'. You can be at peace with that. You can. A common quote is that: "you need to love your self". Quite true but to recognise the difference between liking and loving. The first accords with preference, desire - along with comparison, performance, function, etc. - where the second, love, is not judgemental. Love is not relative - it is accepting, embracing; not isolated. Isolation is always relative - this (me), being separate from other. (repeated for emphasis)
The base problem is the creation of a self (ego?) - this me thing - with which we compare and evaluate our relationships and functionality. And it is created, it is conditioned, programmed over time through a very complex process (mother, father, culture, media, etc.). This self-that-I-perceive is relative and contextually dependent. Advertising, the media, the world-out-there tells me that I should be... 'body image, success, media presence, happy, gender appropriate, socially conforming, etc.' (list from chatGPT) but attempts to permanently establish this ideal, solid and universally approved 'me' are doomed. Sorry about that :)- Sometimes we get it 'right' sometimes we don't. Some days it is sunny, some days it rains. Accepting that as truth we can be at peace with it, be at peace with this moment.
Underlying all this is our curious ability to know, to be able to witness, to observe the flow of the mind. This observation allows inquiry which leads to understanding, to wisdom. This ability can be trained and it is the key to unlocking the chains of our habits, our fears, our anger, our compulsions, our addictions. If we never recognise that we are bound, enslaved, there is never a move to explore - and it is our exploration that leads to discovery, to release.