This post follows relatively soon after the previous one. Building things with words, writing, is something I enjoy but find arriving at a finished product awkwardly protracted. I regularly recall the suggestion of Roald Dahl to budding authors: "Sit down at a desk with a pencil and paper". So here I am, with the tech-adjusted equivalent, practicing. Part of the quick follow-on is the ease of having a laptop with an external monitor, as opposed to my on-the-road phone set up, as well as having a chair and desk. Luxury! Practice makes perfect... and between now and the Pulitzer nomination I hope you can bear with my experimentation. I am at a life-transition point, (a kind of) retirement, and the question is: 'what do I do now?' This blog is a part of the ongoing exploration. I have a few ideas regarding structure and content and... the digital world presents an incredible array of possible directions with my overall inclination toward connection. Let's consider the obstacle to that first: isolation.
People are experiencing more loneliness and social isolation. A recent Gallup poll shows that nearly 1 in 4 adults feel lonely. A 2023 report by the US Surgeon General says that approximately 50 percent of adults feel lonely. A study by Cigna (global health insurance) has the age group 18-22 as the loneliest with 79% reporting feelings of loneliness. The generally suggested causes - pandemic, remote working, social anxiety, self esteem, media, etc. - are part of a community drift, one that I see closely tied to issues of identity.
There are many ways of considering the 'who am I' question and I consider two: relationship and function. I define myself using an interplay of internal and external factors, an elaborate 'join the dots' to form a line-image of me. The quote, in part, from the previous post by the UCal cosmologist on defining time: "...you isolate part of the universe and call it your clock" - we generally use the earth relative to the sun. When defining my self I isolate 'this here' - relative to 'all the rest'. I include many things as being me & mine within the sphere of my-self but feel separate from a great deal, most of it. When I have a group of people, or objects, that I comfortably relate to or identity with I don't feel isolated. When those relationships seem fragile, less substantial, I do feel isolated, lonely, alienated. Isolation is always relative - this (me), separate from other.
One dictionary defines function as: "What something is used for" with other meanings but generally pointing to performance. It is about what you 'do', about your participation - assuming that you will do it well, that you will succeed. With no or little sense of function there are often feelings of non-inclusion, one feels isolated. One useful reflection is the Lokavipatti Sutta: Anguttara 8.6 on what are commonly called the 'Eight Worldly Winds' where socially promoted function has us pursuing the: 'gain, fame, praise, pleasure' and avoiding their opposites. A simple song - The Winds of Change - presents a simple response: refuge. [refuge needs an article + cf. social media] The main point is to recognise that it is impossible to get only gain and never have loss.
Some thoughts on resolution.
You can't function how you can't - you can't be what you aren't - but you can make effort (work) with what you've got. Things can and will change but!! it (life, the world, me) has base limitations. There has to be an underlying acceptance - to fully recognise that you are what you are... it can/will change... but, right now, you are like 'this'. You can be at peace with that. You can. A common quote is that: "you need to love your self". Quite true but to recognise the difference between liking and loving. The first accords with preference, desire - along with comparison, performance, function, etc. - where the second, love, is not judgemental. Love is not relative - it is accepting, embracing; not isolated. Isolation is always relative - this (me), being separate from other. (repeated for emphasis)
The base problem is the creation of a self (ego?) - this me thing - with which we compare and evaluate our relationships and functionality. And it is created, it is conditioned, programmed over time through a very complex process (mother, father, culture, media, etc.). This self-that-I-perceive is relative and contextually dependent. Advertising, the media, the world-out-there tells me that I should be... 'body image, success, media presence, happy, gender appropriate, socially conforming, etc.' (list from chatGPT) but attempts to permanently establish this ideal, solid and universally approved 'me' are doomed. Sorry about that :)- Sometimes we get it 'right' sometimes we don't. Some days it is sunny, some days it rains. Accepting that as truth we can be at peace with it, be at peace with this moment.
Underlying all this is our curious ability to know, to be able to witness, to observe the flow of the mind. This observation allows inquiry which leads to understanding, to wisdom. This ability can be trained and it is the key to unlocking the chains of our habits, our fears, our anger, our compulsions, our addictions. If we never recognise that we are bound, enslaved, there is never a move to explore - and it is our exploration that leads to discovery, to release.
I have just ended five weeks of wandering in the South Island. You can read a brief log and view some photos off the menu above. In the middle of this time I ended my 72nd year. Some of those days ended with a cup of tea, some ended with a spectacular sunset; some with both. But each and every one ended. The cup of tea (sadly) ended, as did the sunset. And I incline here to a wee musing on time and place, when and where, birth and death and... the 'who.' Not the '70s band, or the doctor but the 'you who' - that exists in space and time, sitting (here, now) reading this. Or are you?
First a few speculative considerations. Does time, and or 'stuff', actually exist? The present moment is singular and it is our mind that concatenates perception (interpretation) and memory (storage) to form a sense of continuity; joining the dots to form a line. Is this presentism, or idealism - or is it solipsism? Compare it with eternalism. There is observable change anicca? but do things exist outside of my mind? If you haven't seen the Matrix movie? you should. The block universe model (google it) has four-dimensional space-time with every event having its own coordinates in space-time and all moments equally real and existing simultaneously. And we have Heisenberg's uncertainty principle, Schrodinger's cat, the multiverse theory, etc. A UCal cosmologist said: "The essence of relativity is that there is no absolute time, no absolute space. Everything is relative. When you try to discuss time in the context of the universe, you need the simple idea that you isolate part of the universe and call it your clock". The Buddha said [Anguttara 3.47]: "for the conditioned an arising is seen, cessation is seen, and its alteration while it persists is seen." This is experiential, referring to what I experience. Whether it exists independently or not doesn't really matter; when I feel too hot... I do. It may be a delusion but it is unpleasant either way. That's what I know.
I reference the above speculations as I find it useful to muse on existence, reality possibilities, outside of my current belief system; to open to alternatives. I have a model of the world, about me, you, here, there and everywhere that is me, that is mine; and some of it is silly. Here is a silly theory on the [Brontosauruses by Anne Elk (Miss)] and it is silly but... can we allow that (some of) our theories have a similar silliness, a delusional quality? We are missing something? My theory is a bit stuck, ossified, in need of change, updating. I need to change my mind. Satire can help :) Quite some time ago I started exploring a new theory: Buddhism.
The Buddha deflected speculative cosmological, metaphysical theories saying "There is suffering, the cause of, the end of and the path to the end." [Majjhima Nikaya 63: Cula-Malunkya Sutta] This is the four noble truths. Interesting. Along with the emphasis to muse on the impermanent nature of all conditions - but why make such a big deal out of the patently obvious? And the teaching on non-self, impersonality? And, the second truth, the cause = the attachment, the binding to 'stuff.' And I can see that this includes (addiction to) all my theories - of me and mine - as well as to objects, substances, things. The end of suffering = cessation, letting go, non-attachment, non-possession = freedom. The end.
Another story, the Rohitassa Sutta [Anguttara 4.45] which concludes with: "...an intelligent person, understanding the world, has completed the spiritual journey... gone to the end of the world." And the key word is 'understanding'. Knowledge, learning, education, wisdom, discernment, insight. To be able to unpack our theories, lay them out in full view (of a clear and bright mind) such that the overall picture becomes clear, comes into focus. I once had a theory about, a belief in Santa Claus. There was no doubt about it. It was true. Subsequent information has me understanding otherwise. Are there are other lingering delusions? Imagine so.
How to be free - of that, and all causes of suffering? Also in the Rohitassa sutta the Buddha says: "...it is in this fathom-long body with its perception and mind that I describe the world..." The mind, as an umbrella term, defies precise definition but it can be directly experienced. I know - what do I know? - what I know. Endlessly circular but knowing, awareness, mindfulness is a key to freedom. To have a clear, discerning perspective on what I know (hear, think, smell...) - as opposed to just believing it... because mother told me it was true - or whatever the foundational seed of my perception/memory was. Satire helps... to hold 'it' (life) lightly, to be able to laugh at ourselves, to open to the absurdity, the vast potentials for joy, the questionable truth of...? But all mediums of reflection and inquiry require an honesty, a clear and bright mind as a mind that is fogged by inflexible, fundamental beliefs can not see beyond itself. [consider the difference between belief and knowledge]
Meditation is a simple means of thinning the fog, clearing enough space in the mind for comparative evaluation - for effective musing. And once underway the process of meditation has an amplifying, expansive effect; like the rising sun with increasing warmth dispelling the morning fog. The mind becomes more clear and calm - and this becomes the spring board for greater clarity and calm, for peace. More on this - and the end (of ignorance) - at a latter time. The End.
This is the beginning of the first post. The stage is set, yet not without an inordinate amount of technical fussing and frustration, and I see the inclination toward wanting to create a grand entrance. Tada! Expectations - and possibly yours as much as mine. This *will be* amazing - right. But, as much as I have a vision, it is at heart about my life and for me that is just ordinary. I enjoy musing on my various thoughts and enjoy the process of compiling them into some coherent order and my hope is that for you, the reader, it will be the difference of perspective that provides interest and that my musings may give you something to think about. We are each of us unique and the exploration of our individual perspectives is what provides nutriment for our respective happiness and growth.
Prior to writing, I have been considering the general nature of beginnings and, by default, wandered into musing on the nature of time. When did this post begin? I opened by saying "This is the beginning..." and the tendency is to create, 'this' as a fixed, absolute point. And when did you begin? Can you posit a "this is the 'ME' beginning...?" "This is when I became (began becoming) mature" And now I begin gazing down the rabbit hole of the nature of identity. Who, or what, is this you that began? And when? Time and the sense of self will be two themes that repeatedly present themselves here.
While there is still considerable uncertainty around the structure of this site the general thought is that this blog segment of the site will be the regular heartbeat. There will be a variety of other elements finding their way in. Some of these will be historical digital relics from many years/decades back and some more contemporary.
For now, comments aren’t an option, but I’m toying with the idea of creating a space for questions. It will take me a while to get a fluid feeling for the processes involved in developing the site and a part of this process is the fact that I will be working almost exclusively on my phone—not exactly the easiest format for building a site.
It has been a year since I stepped down as a monastery abbot and the move towards a wandering, homeless lifestyle is what initiated this site. There is a travel section that will have occasional 'went here did that' tales but my hope is that the musing tone predominates. The exploration of the human condition is an incredibly stimulating and rewarding adventure and the monastic form provides an incredibly spacious (esoteric? exotic?) vehicle for that journey.
Life is a singularity but we can conventionally compartmentalise segments and might begin "Once upon a time... In the beginning... there was a monk - sitting with his phone, dictating. His backpack weighs 9.5kg - not counting water - and he has a ferry ticket to the South Island of New Zealand. Shall we begin?